I had an interesting breakthrough this week. I realized that for most of my life, I have been told by my guides (parents, teachers, other important adults, and popular media) that I had the mental and artistic gifts of artist, musician, and intellectual and therefore, it was unimportant and unexpected for me to develop my physical body. I bought it- hook, line and sinker. And so I find myself, at 37, unhappy with my health, overweight. I never question why- I know it's because I'm a thinker, not an athlete. But my body is weak, my spirit is sick, and yup, I'm very very smart. I can't create- because I'm so stuck in my mind with my unhappiness.
So here's the breakthrough- I realize that during my time here on earth, I am made of three parts- physical body, intellectual mind, and creative soul. I need to develop balance so all three can be united equally, and produce equally, without one detracting from another. I hurt my back earlier this week, causing me to have to lay down for most of it. That made me angry, because I couldn't teach, study, or create. Going to workout makes me angry most days- why should I waste time in the gym, when I could be absorbing information? (I have learned most of what I know from reading, studying, and practicing.) I always feel like time spent moving is time spent wasted- because I would rather be learning. This is a fatal flaw- and must be corrected. I have decided that I need to encourage myself to spend equal time learning, creating, and moving. Only that way will my inbalance and unhappiness be cured. I spend so much time learning- which basically means sitting-still; reading, watching videos, or practicing my skills on the computer- that I have made my body sick and with it, my soul. My soul can't reconcile the fact that my body doesn't match my mind- and so it worries, constantly- and can't embrace the creation process fully. I'll let you know how it goes.
