I had an interesting breakthrough this week. I realized that for most of my life, I have been told by my guides (parents, teachers, other important adults, and popular media) that I had the mental and artistic gifts of artist, musician, and intellectual and therefore, it was unimportant and unexpected for me to develop my physical body. I bought it- hook, line and sinker. And so I find myself, at 37, unhappy with my health, overweight. I never question why- I know it's because I'm a thinker, not an athlete. But my body is weak, my spirit is sick, and yup, I'm very very smart. I can't create- because I'm so stuck in my mind with my unhappiness.
So here's the breakthrough- I realize that during my time here on earth, I am made of three parts- physical body, intellectual mind, and creative soul. I need to develop balance so all three can be united equally, and produce equally, without one detracting from another. I hurt my back earlier this week, causing me to have to lay down for most of it. That made me angry, because I couldn't teach, study, or create. Going to workout makes me angry most days- why should I waste time in the gym, when I could be absorbing information? (I have learned most of what I know from reading, studying, and practicing.) I always feel like time spent moving is time spent wasted- because I would rather be learning. This is a fatal flaw- and must be corrected. I have decided that I need to encourage myself to spend equal time learning, creating, and moving. Only that way will my inbalance and unhappiness be cured. I spend so much time learning- which basically means sitting-still; reading, watching videos, or practicing my skills on the computer- that I have made my body sick and with it, my soul. My soul can't reconcile the fact that my body doesn't match my mind- and so it worries, constantly- and can't embrace the creation process fully. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tough being positive
It's been tough lately. I went to Photoshopworld in Orlando three weeks ago- which was fantastic and made me feel like I could make a living with my computer, Wacom Tablet, and CS4. But then reality bites. I have bills to pay, I'm about to lose my job (at least all things point to that) and my poor husband is already unemployed in a very bad market for a job. We don't want to move- we've done that too many times already. Morale is very low. I don't have a whole lot of time to whip up the kind of stay-at-home business that will match my current pay scale. It's frustrating. wah.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Use the Muse contest!
Well, I've taken the plunge and entered the Use the Muse beader's contest...and I was pleasantly surprised when I received my kit in the mail. It's lovely, with wooden pieces, crystal, seed beads (yeck! lol) and a couple of unmentionables, including the "Muse" which is a secret piece. I can't say too much, but I'll post pictures soon. Let's just say the possibilities for my style of work are great, and it's pushing me to create in a new style that's been on my mind, but I just haven't sat down to do it yet. So all in all, it should be a fun contest that get's my creative juices flowing!
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