Showing posts with label illumination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label illumination. Show all posts

Sunday, October 27, 2013

It really is ALL ABOUT YOU. A Mini-Manifesto, kinda

Be responsible for you- completely. 
Own your thoughts, words and actions- completely. 
Be proactive. Respond responsibly, rather than React, to what other people think, say and do. 

Our culture is perverse these days, maybe for much longer than that. The perversity I'm talking about is self-sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, this concept is important and is a founding thought for many world religions- because of the nature of what "doing good" means and the effect it has on the world.

It's awesome to do good deeds. It makes you feel good and it helps others, but only when it's done properly- from a place of giving, and the spirit of wanting to do it because you intrinsically know that it is the right thing to do.

It becomes perverse when you are constantly given messages that convey that somehow, your desires and responsibilities are NOT GOOD ENOUGH when compared to the desires of others, and your responsibilities to others. We are fed this message from our early years- we have to share, we have to compromise, we have to capitulate to others' needs in order for our deeds and actions to have any value. We now, in America, have to stop doing anything that might somehow offend someone else, because it would be wrong to offend someone by doing what YOU want to do, wearing what you want to wear, worshiping how you want to worship, or saying what you want to say. We are taught to think before doing anything- because it might offend someone else, and if it will, then it is not a worthy pursuit.

There is a difference, people, between being selfish, being self-centered, and having self-esteem. There is a difference between being self-sacrificing, and just being a good person. There is a difference between having tact and being socially well-adjusted, and just being a jerk. But the differences have become very blurred, and at this point I believe most people are falling into two major groups: jerks, and codependents. Notice I said "most people." Because I do believe there are a fair number of people out there who have good self-esteem, are socially adjusted, have tact, understand how and want to do good for others, and have not lost themselves in the process. I don't need to speak to those people, they know who they are. They won't even resonate with what I'm saying, because it doesn't matter to them- I have a friend like this, and when I talk to her about it, she doesn't "get it," and I don't hold it against her one bit- because she is lucky to be emotionally healthy.

But what about you? I can tell you right now- you only have responsibility for a very narrow, deep bunch of stuff- and it's all about YOU.

  • what you say & do
  • how you say it or do it
  • why you say & do things
Are you getting the big picture here? You are responsible for YOU. You are not responsible for other people's actions, thoughts, deeds or proclamations. If you have kids or others you are directly responsible to help raise or get through this life, then you can add that to your responsibility list- but you are still not responsible for what COMES OUT OF THEM. You are only responsible for what YOU PUT IN, and what you give them access to. For example, if you keep firearms in your house and your kids get them and cause physical hurt to themselves or someone else, you are responsible for giving them access. But if you teach them right and wrong, and they decide to do wrong, they are responsible.  If you teach them what you want them to know, and they seek knowledge elsewhere, you are not responsible for what they create with the knowledge- they are. I'm thinking way back to Adam and Eve here. God told them what to do, what to eat... they chose what they chose, and it wasn't his fault- it was theirs. So if God could give up responsibility for his children's mistakes and punish them for doing what they did, why can't we? Because we are taught from the time we can function as toddlers that self-sacrifice and self-debasement is "how it's done." 

It's time to start taking responsibility for ourselves. To do, say, think, eat, wear, worship, be friends with, support... the list goes on here, what WE want. If everyone did that, honestly, and didn't get mixed up in telling others what to do, or in trying to "get inside the mind" of others and figure out what they want from us, the world would be a better place.

I think about my friends who are dating. They ask me things like.... "How long should I wait to text him back?" "What do you think he meant by saying ___?" "Should I.....fill in the blank."

My answer is: 1. Do what YOU want. 2. Call or text when YOU want to. 3. How the heck should I know what he meant or thought? Why don't you ask HIM?

Why play games? Because every magazine and website says to. They all tell girls to play a certain game to "catch" a guy. I'm sure the guys' websites and magazines say the same thing about chasing girls. This, of course, is only one example of the ways we use our self-debasement culture to mess up a totally fun thing, in this case, finding the ONE.


OK, stepping down from the soapbox now- I've studied so much in the past few years regarding my own emotional health that I now feel very relaxed and open when friends ask for advice, and I really want to share this special message with more people.

Be responsible for you- completely. Own your thoughts, words and actions- completely. Be proactive. Respond responsibly, rather than React, to what other people think, say and do.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Letting Go and Moving Forward

I just let go of a project.

I was committed to it. Just not enough for the other people involved.

I have no hard feelings. I don't exactly feel relief, rather I feel an opening up, a void. I've got a project that has been on the back burner for a while, one that I feel will be lucrative. I just haven't had time to work on it, because I've been really tied up with other things and commitments to other people. Now that can fill the void.

It can be scary to let go, to move on. Especially when my project is really mine- which puts me in a place I have not been in a long time- on my own, alone, forging ahead. That means my success or failure is totally completely 100% in my own hands.

I have learned so much over the years- how to blog, how to write code, how to film videos, take photos, and teach others to do the same. I have had excellent feedback on all of these things, so I have complete confidence that I am capable of success.

Right now, in this moment, I want to start using myself up for everything I've got.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck

Friday, September 6, 2013

You're not crazy-

I grew up in an abusive household. I hate to say it, because my Dad is still around and although he didn't directly abuse me, ever, he did leave me and my siblings with an alcoholic mother to deal with while he worked. Adult children of alcoholics (that's what we're called) are codependent people. It's a fact, and it was in studying ACOAs that codependent behavior was actually discovered, categorized, and labeled. So there's no escaping it. Actually, it felt very liberating when I found out- no one wants to hear that they are codependent- but when you are actually diagnosed, it feels incredible.

I went to a therapist a couple years ago because I thought I was crazy. Insane. I was accepting behavior from those around me that was astonishingly terrible, and I was committing the same levels of atrocious behavior myself. Mostly I just felt like I was emotionally out of control. I wasn't going to do anything stupid. But I felt like I was absolutely stuck, especially in my relationship with my husband and my options for living my life. There were no boundaries between me, him, everyone, and my desires for my life were in no way being fulfilled.

When I discussed exactly what was going on with my doctor, she gave me the book Codependent No More and told me to read it asap. I saw myself in those pages and breathed a sigh of relief. And I believe there were tears too. I was NOT crazy, I am codependent. At least I could DO something about that. It's not easy- believe me.

What has helped? Well, at that time I was seriously seeking and trying hard to figure out what was wrong with me. I had already lost my faith (it's been found again...) so that was out. I turned to books like Byron Katie's Loving what is, and Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life.  If you are codie like me, I highly recommend both of them. They will change your life if you let them.

Now, when I'm frustrated, I turn to the Work- which has an amazing worksheet you can use for any situation to bring yourself back down to earth. This worksheet helps you to turn a situation inside out and see it from perspectives besides your own (which can be skewed by lack of boundaries, and lots of other things.) Louise's book and philosophy is all about positive affirmations. Which work. For a long time, when I was actively in therapy and studying to overcome the symptoms of codependency, my favorite was, and still is, "I am ok." As a child, I spent a lot of time being not ok- and as an adult, I sometimes need a reminder that even if I feel crazed, alone, or confused, in my present moment I am ok. Really.
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