Saturday, October 20, 2012

On Religion

I was raised Catholic, and went to Catholic school. I distinctly remember my first official initiation ceremony of First Communion. I took the host into my mouth and sucked on it's chalky texture (you weren't supposed to bite it, only let it dissolve on your tongue...lest you bite Jesus's body and make him bleed...wtf?) and went back to my seat to kneel and pray. I prayed...I listened, I felt....nothing. Where was god? Where was Jesus? Wasn't this supposed to be a holy moment, filling my body and soul with the Holy Spirit of God? There I was, at age 7, feeling disillusionment, heavily, for the first time. It wouldn't be the last. It happened again at 13 when I was confirmed by holy oil, anointed by the Bishop of my diocese. That's kinda where I gave up on organized religion for the first time. It would happen again for the final time in my late 20's. It was telling me things that I knew weren't true.

Now- don't get me wrong. I am a very spiritual person, I believe in God, Jesus's ministry, and the power of Christianity. I just don't believe one iota of what any living person wants to tell, teach, or get me to do about it. I believe that these beliefs are personal, that I am on a walk with God through my daily life, and that walk is between Him and me...and he is the only one who cares what I do about it. It's no one else's business. Nor is it my "divine duty" to force it on anyone else.

I feel a sense of dread and shame whenever someone on TV starts spouting their religious views, when a politician brings up their thoughts on abortion or religious freedom, when friends talk about only listening to "christian" music or reading "christian" books. Whatever. I don't remember reading in the Bible that Jesus only listened to that kind of music or read that literature, oh, wait, Jesus was a JEW, people. I can't stand religious rants on Facebook, whether they be negative OR positive. I just don't want to read or hear about someone else's religious viewpoints unless they are specifically asking me to have a conversation about it- which I love and will do anytime. Please don't publicly embarrass all Christians everywhere by being stupid about it online or on TV. That's where the shame comes in. I don't want to be associated with "those people." I feel like it damages my own reputation to be lumped in with "them."

So how do I celebrate my religion? By feeling JOY in every moment I can. Right now, I am sitting on the balcony outside because it is a beautiful day. I hear late-season cicadas who haven't gone back to sleep yet, a plane overhead, the rustle of leaves, falling acorns hitting the wooden planks of fences with a hollow-sounding "pop," and birds. Lots of them. I feel the breeze, the tickle of my loose hair around my face, the chill of the concrete deck through my socks. I taste the mint I am sucking on.

I sing every Monday night with a group of ladies, I go hiking in the woods, I craft and create art, I read, I write, I make videos to share art instruction with the world, I love my husband, kitties, and extended family. I give what I can, when I can. I adhere to my morals, values, and ethics. They were made and molded by my early religious training, and for the most part they provide a good framework for my value system. When something doesn't fit, I examine it down to the core beliefs and adapt it if necessary so I can stay committed to my ethics.

I am honest, I am compassionate, I am generous, I try to turn moments of envy into moments of abundance and learning (How wonderful for you, them, everyone! Now how can I get some of that, too?)

And this, my friends, is how I turn religion into JOY.

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