Be responsible for you- completely.
Own your thoughts, words and actions- completely.
Be proactive. Respond responsibly, rather than React, to what other people think, say and do.
Our culture is perverse these days, maybe for much longer than that. The perversity I'm talking about is self-sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, this concept is important and is a founding thought for many world religions- because of the nature of what "doing good" means and the effect it has on the world.
It's awesome to do good deeds. It makes you feel good and it helps others, but only when it's done properly- from a place of giving, and the spirit of wanting to do it because you intrinsically know that it is the right thing to do.
It becomes perverse when you are constantly given messages that convey that somehow, your desires and responsibilities are NOT GOOD ENOUGH when compared to the desires of others, and your responsibilities to others. We are fed this message from our early years- we have to share, we have to compromise, we have to capitulate to others' needs in order for our deeds and actions to have any value. We now, in America, have to stop doing anything that might somehow offend someone else, because it would be wrong to offend someone by doing what YOU want to do, wearing what you want to wear, worshiping how you want to worship, or saying what you want to say. We are taught to think before doing anything- because it might offend someone else, and if it will, then it is not a worthy pursuit.
There is a difference, people, between being selfish, being self-centered, and having self-esteem. There is a difference between being self-sacrificing, and just being a good person. There is a difference between having tact and being socially well-adjusted, and just being a jerk. But the differences have become very blurred, and at this point I believe most people are falling into two major groups: jerks, and codependents. Notice I said "most people." Because I do believe there are a fair number of people out there who have good self-esteem, are socially adjusted, have tact, understand how and want to do good for others, and have not lost themselves in the process. I don't need to speak to those people, they know who they are. They won't even resonate with what I'm saying, because it doesn't matter to them- I have a friend like this, and when I talk to her about it, she doesn't "get it," and I don't hold it against her one bit- because she is lucky to be emotionally healthy.
But what about you? I can tell you right now- you only have responsibility for a very narrow, deep bunch of stuff- and it's all about YOU.
- what you say & do
- how you say it or do it
- why you say & do things
Are you getting the big picture here? You are responsible for YOU. You are not responsible for other people's actions, thoughts, deeds or proclamations. If you have kids or others you are directly responsible to help raise or get through this life, then you can add that to your responsibility list- but you are still not responsible for what COMES OUT OF THEM. You are only responsible for what YOU PUT IN, and what you give them access to. For example, if you keep firearms in your house and your kids get them and cause physical hurt to themselves or someone else, you are responsible for giving them access. But if you teach them right and wrong, and they decide to do wrong, they are responsible. If you teach them what you want them to know, and they seek knowledge elsewhere, you are not responsible for what they create with the knowledge- they are. I'm thinking way back to Adam and Eve here. God told them what to do, what to eat... they chose what they chose, and it wasn't his fault- it was theirs. So if God could give up responsibility for his children's mistakes and punish them for doing what they did, why can't we? Because we are taught from the time we can function as toddlers that self-sacrifice and self-debasement is "how it's done."
It's time to start taking responsibility for ourselves. To do, say, think, eat, wear, worship, be friends with, support... the list goes on here, what WE want. If everyone did that, honestly, and didn't get mixed up in telling others what to do, or in trying to "get inside the mind" of others and figure out what they want from us, the world would be a better place.
I think about my friends who are dating. They ask me things like.... "How long should I wait to text him back?" "What do you think he meant by saying ___?" "Should I.....fill in the blank."
My answer is: 1. Do what YOU want. 2. Call or text when YOU want to. 3. How the heck should I know what he meant or thought? Why don't you ask HIM?
Why play games? Because every magazine and website says to. They all tell girls to play a certain game to "catch" a guy. I'm sure the guys' websites and magazines say the same thing about chasing girls. This, of course, is only one example of the ways we use our self-debasement culture to mess up a totally fun thing, in this case, finding the ONE.
OK, stepping down from the soapbox now- I've studied so much in the past few years regarding my own emotional health that I now feel very relaxed and open when friends ask for advice, and I really want to share this special message with more people.
Be responsible for you- completely. Own your thoughts, words and actions- completely. Be proactive. Respond responsibly, rather than React, to what other people think, say and do.
