Shiny white paper

Why is it, when faced with a clean, shiny, new open sketchbook, panic sets in? I love little notebooks. Currently my favorite are Moleskins in an unassuming khaki brown, and very small....little, with plain white pages. About the size of a small index card. I bought a pack of three. In one, I am writing down quotes I think I would like to use either on a pendant or an ATC. In another, I am drawing henna patterns- practicing my compositions. The third lies fallow.

I was at Borders today, and they are having their post-holiday sale. There were several really cute blank notebooks in the size I like, smallish, fits in my very small purse. Now, don't be fooled- I don't ever carry my purse unless I have a notebook with me. Otherwise, on a regular old day, I just carry my clutch- with is really just an extended wallet wristlet thingy. Everything I carry is designed to be small enough to fit inside this. I have never been fussy (or needed to be) about my looks, so I just carry a lipgloss, my phone- which is a very tiny flip phone (not much bigger than a lipstick) my debit card and a couple other cards. My keys are clipped to the handle of my wristlet with a carabiner.

Now- back to the notebooks. I just can't figure out what I would do with one. I mean, I love little journals and sketchbooks. So many of them have such wonderful covers, beautiful really. But when faced with shiny white paper....I get the most terrible fear. What if I waste it with meaningless doodles? What if I write the wrong thing? I threw out a bunch of journals from my youth because I was disgusted with myself upon reading them later. I would hate to have the same experience again with such beautiful books. This is my block- not lack of creativity, but lack of the willingness to allow myself to be "wrong" or "wasteful" with ink.

There are funny, strange things our mothers do to us- mine left me with a horrid, practical drive to never waste. That is most of the reason that my artwork tends to be on the tiny side. I battle this fear and loathing for wastefullness every time I sit down to make art. What if it doesn't sell? What if it's not perfect?

What blocks do you battle? Trust me- we all have them and it's a b$#@ getting rid of them. I may have to go back to Borders tomorrow for a sketch book.