I grew up in an abusive household. I hate to say it, because my Dad is still around and although he didn't directly abuse me, ever, he did leave me and my siblings with an alcoholic mother to deal with while he worked. Adult children of alcoholics (that's what we're called) are codependent people. It's a fact, and it was in studying ACOAs that codependent behavior was actually discovered, categorized, and labeled. So there's no escaping it. Actually, it felt very liberating when I found out- no one wants to hear that they are codependent- but when you are actually diagnosed, it feels incredible.
I went to a therapist a couple years ago because I thought I was crazy. Insane. I was accepting behavior from those around me that was astonishingly terrible, and I was committing the same levels of atrocious behavior myself. Mostly I just felt like I was emotionally out of control. I wasn't going to do anything stupid. But I felt like I was absolutely stuck, especially in my relationship with my husband and my options for living my life. There were no boundaries between me, him, everyone, and my desires for my life were in no way being fulfilled.
When I discussed exactly what was going on with my doctor, she gave me the book Codependent No More and told me to read it asap. I saw myself in those pages and breathed a sigh of relief. And I believe there were tears too. I was NOT crazy, I am codependent. At least I could DO something about that. It's not easy- believe me.
What has helped? Well, at that time I was seriously seeking and trying hard to figure out what was wrong with me. I had already lost my faith (it's been found again...) so that was out. I turned to books like Byron Katie's Loving what is, and Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. If you are codie like me, I highly recommend both of them. They will change your life if you let them.
Now, when I'm frustrated, I turn to the Work- which has an amazing worksheet you can use for any situation to bring yourself back down to earth. This worksheet helps you to turn a situation inside out and see it from perspectives besides your own (which can be skewed by lack of boundaries, and lots of other things.) Louise's book and philosophy is all about positive affirmations. Which work. For a long time, when I was actively in therapy and studying to overcome the symptoms of codependency, my favorite was, and still is, "I am ok." As a child, I spent a lot of time being not ok- and as an adult, I sometimes need a reminder that even if I feel crazed, alone, or confused, in my present moment I am ok. Really.
I went to a therapist a couple years ago because I thought I was crazy. Insane. I was accepting behavior from those around me that was astonishingly terrible, and I was committing the same levels of atrocious behavior myself. Mostly I just felt like I was emotionally out of control. I wasn't going to do anything stupid. But I felt like I was absolutely stuck, especially in my relationship with my husband and my options for living my life. There were no boundaries between me, him, everyone, and my desires for my life were in no way being fulfilled.
When I discussed exactly what was going on with my doctor, she gave me the book Codependent No More and told me to read it asap. I saw myself in those pages and breathed a sigh of relief. And I believe there were tears too. I was NOT crazy, I am codependent. At least I could DO something about that. It's not easy- believe me.
What has helped? Well, at that time I was seriously seeking and trying hard to figure out what was wrong with me. I had already lost my faith (it's been found again...) so that was out. I turned to books like Byron Katie's Loving what is, and Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. If you are codie like me, I highly recommend both of them. They will change your life if you let them.
Now, when I'm frustrated, I turn to the Work- which has an amazing worksheet you can use for any situation to bring yourself back down to earth. This worksheet helps you to turn a situation inside out and see it from perspectives besides your own (which can be skewed by lack of boundaries, and lots of other things.) Louise's book and philosophy is all about positive affirmations. Which work. For a long time, when I was actively in therapy and studying to overcome the symptoms of codependency, my favorite was, and still is, "I am ok." As a child, I spent a lot of time being not ok- and as an adult, I sometimes need a reminder that even if I feel crazed, alone, or confused, in my present moment I am ok. Really.
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